By now you all probably heard about Vernon Wells and the infamous note on a baseball that he gave to a heckling fan in Cleveland. The full text of the note on the ball (pictured to the right) was as follows:

“Dear Mr. Dork, Here’s your ball! Can you please tell me what gas station you work at so I can come and yell at you when you’re working. Please sit down, shut up and enjoy the game. From your favorite centre fielder, Vernon Wells.”

Just pure genius by one of my now favorite players in baseball not wearing a Red Sox uniform. But it made me think; what would Red Sox players have written in the same situation?

Here are some of my best guesses:

David Ortiz - “Lil’ Papi, listen here, bro. People recognize me wherever I go, bro. Some of them even call me fat, bro. Let me tell you something, bro. I am not fat, bro, and you shouldn’t call me fat. I wouldn’t come to your work and call you fat, bro, so show some respect. Big Papi.”

Coco Crisp’s father on behalf of Coco - “Dear non-believer in Coco’s abilities, he doesn’t care if you heckle him. He won’t listen or let it bother him. He’ll go about his business. Why don’t you purchase your Red Sox Nation membership and stop being a hater.”

Curt Schilling - “www.38pitches.com, www.38studios.com, CHB sucks, K ALCS”

J.D. Drew - ” “

Manny Ramirez - “Please return this ball to the field, I just realized there was only one out and luckily Julian made sure I wrote this on all the game balls for this very possibility.”

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